“Why am I not good enough” is a question that, I am sure, all of us have asked ourselves at some point in our lives.
This question has bothered many of us when we were at school, in our relationships, in our professional careers etc.
The root cause for feeling that way is our expectations for ourselves and comparison with other’s successes. We are constantly judged and we also judge ourselves based on our degrees, our jobs, our relationships, how much money we make, our lifestyle etc.
Our society loves conformity and anyone that does not measure up to their expectation are deemed as failures.
We can turn around this feeling to our advantage by motivating ourselves to do better. So this emotion that we feel cannot be considered to be entirely negative.
However , for many, these have a debilitating effect and forces them to go into a shell, away from society’s prying eyes.
What I have understood is that one probable cause of this feeling could be that of low self-esteem and self-confidence growing up.
Of course, it is given that a sportsman cannot be as good as a professional painter and vice versa. But if the thought of “what is wrong with me” paralyses you to the extent that it prevents you from fulfilling your true potential, then it is a cause for worry.
I have tried to get to the root cause of this thought that of “Why I am not good Enough” in my own personal life and I have come to the following conclusions.
- Everybody is insecure :
Everybody is fighting their own battles. Nobody , however confident, is secure inside, although they project an image to the contrary. This is because there are things beyond our control. I watched a video of a veteran who was involved in many conflicts. When asked about his thoughts while going into battle, he replied, “Everyone is afraid. But we learn to overcome our fears”. So have compassion towards others. Do not try to be perfect: Popular culture projects human beings in black and white. We all know, that in reality, that is not the case. As Human Beings, we are born imperfect. And that is OK. The important thing is acceptance of these imperfections and working on dealing with and improving upon them.
- Look at your positives:
We are Mortal. We are Human. Our lives are Finite. This should be a sobering thought to all. Celebrate and feel pride in the positives that you have.
- Experiences vs Material Possessions:
I recently read on a blog that the happiest people are those who prefer gathering experiences over gathering material possessions. We all know what happens a few months after buying that expensive luxury car. Revel in the experience of just breathing and being alive.
- Acceptance of who you are:
Every human being on this planet is created differently. Accept that and move forward. Be happy for what you have that others don’t have rather than the other way round.
- Steel is tempered by Fire:
What I have learnt in life is to stick to the course no matter what. Experiences, both good and bad , add to your personality and character. Experiences must not break you. It should strengthen you. Many people ask me about the “secret” of my patience. Many tell me that I am too laid back. But little do they know what I have been through. I have experienced intense lows, extremely bad experiences and fallen into unfathomable depths. But instead of that breaking me, it has strengthened me and that radiates from me.
- Evaluate things in context:
One visual that I constantly bring into my mind, when faced with adverse circumstances, is that of me on my deathbed. Is the situation that is unfolding in front of me worse than death? If not, then chill. Look at things in perspective.
- Past is Past:
The Past does not matter. Only the present matters. Live in the present.
- Adopt Affirmations or Manifestation techniques:
The Affirmation technique is the application of optimistic thinking and a self-enabling mindset. Repeating Affirmations, first thing in the morning or before going to bed could play a big part in improving self-confidence and help you achieve your goals.
Manifestation techniques are also something that we are getting to see a lot on the internet nowadays. Manifestation can be defined as “a self help strategy intended to bring about a personal goal, primarily by focusing one’s thoughts upon the desired outcome”. “How to manifest love” and “How to manifest money” etc. are popular search terms nowadays. Self-help programs like the “Bioenergy Code” could potentially help individuals by leveraging their thoughts towards desired outcomes.
In conclusion, having thoughts of inadequacy and inferiority is common in all human beings. The one who acknowledges this feeling and works to overcome it are the winners in the end.